Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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