And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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