My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
