Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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