I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
