There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
