Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Randomize
