hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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