I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize