11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
