Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
