Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
