I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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