someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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