there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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