I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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