First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just want to make out with him forever
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
