it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Four minutes until I can fart!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
