even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
