I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
