boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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