i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
