My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
