I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's rum buckets o'clock
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
