so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
