You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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