So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
