You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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