ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
