i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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