the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
