The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
