My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
