I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
