i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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