he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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