Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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