i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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