Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
