Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
