Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
