Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
