$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
