she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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