I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
