it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
