Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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