Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
