And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
