At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
