Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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