Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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