Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Found your dick twin last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
