I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
