I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
