I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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