i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
