Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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