doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
