I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
