Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize